Friday, July 24, 2009

Random Crap That Makes My Head Spin

this post is just a series of random pics i have taken while going about my daily life. again, no super secret underground network of people sending me wacky pics. (i really hate the word "wacky." it reminds me of Soupy Sales for some reason. and he's not funny. but i think these pics are. gotta find a new word.)

you are totally ticking off the days of the week on your fingers now, aren't you? i did the first 3 times i saw this sign. don't be ashamed. they are they ones that should be ashamed.

gawd, that's a hell of a lot to live up to, isn't it? she would have to be Angelina Jolie's doppelganger to pull that one off. and the pressure? she can never leave the house in sweats and ponytail and a grubby, stained "Cancun Spring Break 1998" t-shirt, can she?

my mom took this pic with her snazzy new iPhone 3GS. which she is totally addicted to. but that's a story for another day. i made the mistake of adding the Scramble game app on hers and now she and i are locked in a High Score Death Match. she's winning. i will beat her soon. if it's the last thing i do! but i digress.
when she showed me this pic, i asked, "was this at the grocery store?"

"no, the 99 cent store."

oh my god, that's even worse!! octopus in a box? at the 99 cent store? and it's not refrigerated? it's a scary world we live in, people. a scary, scary world.

i don't know how well you can read the print on there, but that soda is called MF Grape soda. i have no idea why it's called that. but when i see MF, the first thing i think is "Mother Fucker." (like you are shocked by that. puh-leeze.)

now, had this soda been sugar free, i would have bought every damn bottle and then gone to every store in The Valley that carried it and bought all they had. but sugar makes my teeth itch, so i didn't.

but IF I HAD, every time i drank one i would have said aloud, "where's my mother fucking grape soda? i want a mother fucking grape soda. damn, this mother fucking grape soda is tasty!!"

and i would have laughed every.single.time. i amuse easily, you know.

i don't have kids, but if i did, i would totally buy this for them. 

the little crotch goblins today have it way too easy. a little manual labor would be good for them. they have their internetz and their iPods and their cell phones. they don't know the pain that WE suffered in the 70's. they don't know what it's like to go to a library and have to lug home 4 books on the life cycle of the dolphin for a science report. no, nowadays they just Wiki that shit and call it a day.

they don't know what's it's like to be your mom's Human Remote Control. i swear i spent 83% of my childhood standing next to the tv, changing the channels for her while my mom barked out instructions from the sofa.

"go to channel 2."

click, click.

"no, i don't like that show. try channel 5."

click, click, click.

"no, i have seen that movie already. try channel 9."

click, click, click, click.

"no, that show is stupid. go to 4."

click, click, click, click, click.

"oh! Dinah Shore! yeah, that's good."

yeah, they need to KNOW what our life was like! and clean our houses in the process. it's a win/win.

if that cat is a champion, why is she trying to strangle it? oooo, maybe it's like the whole Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding thing! or the Texas Cheerleader Mom where she is trying to take out the competition. who knew cat shows were so cutthroat? the intrigue! meow! (pun intended)

human trafficking is alive and well in The Valley. and at discount prices! the economy has hit everyone hard.

a new, independently owned copy and print shop opened nearby. i took this pic standing directly in front of it. something tells me someone didn't do their "market saturation" research.

and i would like to end this post with a pic i call "There's Nothing Funny Going On Here, Dammit!"


  1. I feel you on the Human Remote Control thing. When we first got cable, the Cable Guy told my dad he could get two remote controls for $4/month. My dad, who NEVER cut corners or looked for ways to save money, looked that Cable Guy right in the eye and said, "nah, I don't need those. I've got two Remote Controls right here." Meaning my brother and me.

  2. I don't know about you but I don't want to buy a baby now or ever.

  3. I have just spent a few hours going through your archives here and on the old blog, and I nearly peed myself laughing! I really wish you would update more, because I need more of this in my life.